that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.