I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god