Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
