Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.