im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER