He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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