the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
