i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
