I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
