Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
