This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
