i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
