I cockslap morals
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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