Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
