Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
