im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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