"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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