Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
