I'm going to jail i love you
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
