that's an acceptable place to lick
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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