I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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