those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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