I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
