You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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