3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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