I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
