I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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