My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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