I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
this hospital has no fireball
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
