made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
