In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
