"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
