I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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