I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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