bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
