so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
