Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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