chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
