birth control should be required to get into college
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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