its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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