I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
