I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
