hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
