It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
