Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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