Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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