I'm sorry my penis didn't work
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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