I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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