I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
People with herpes should wear stickers.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
