I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
you never un-have a 4some
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
