We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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