She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
