If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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