I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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