And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
