I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I will die if light touches me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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