I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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