i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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