no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
