We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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