How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
