she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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