youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
