She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
