You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
