I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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