I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
