needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?