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Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
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