Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.