no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.