Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
